the baptism (officially occurred feb 27)

I planned to start this process slightly later, actually on Ash Wednesday, but when the drive is there you have to go with it. Yesterday was a breaking point.  As I listened to Anthony complain of yet another day of living in Hawaii and wanting to leave.  I yelled “Stop it! I know it was a mistake for moving here.  We all make mistakes.  But can’t we appreciate our time here?  People vacation here, and we don’t even go to the beach.”  I went on to discuss our time in Hawaii as being limited, so appreciate each day and live in it.

Today, I decided to swim in the ocean.  I am embarrassed to admit this, but I have not swam in the ocean for at least three months.  I have swam in our condo’s pool, but not the ocean.  This would be understandable if I lived in New Jersey, Virginia, maybe even California.  But for the past year I have been living in Hawaii .

I love to swim, but there are excuses.   It’s too cloudy or has just rained.   This means the water will be frigid, or not warm enough if the clouds are there.  Many times I use the excuse that I don’t want to go to the beach alone.  I wait to see if my fiancé will go with me.  Sadly let me also mention, that I live across the street from the ocean.   I can wave to it from my living room, and yet I barely stop over and say hello. 

So many days I wake up, look out and say “it’s a beautiful day.” But I don’t do anything with that day.

Today was different, I chose to go to the beach.   A tourist spot, the edge of Waikiki, before it turns into the Yacht Harbor.  My fiancé has been in pure pain for the past several weeks, and I have been putting off some of my enjoyments to help care for him.   His shoulders are almost immobile, has been on vicodin, and sleeps most of the day.  Therefore I am here to care for him and the dogs, when I am not at work caring for my revolving door of patients. 

The choice to go to the ocean would not have happened if kids were not swimming in our community pool. 

The past two weeks I enjoy my Sunday swim around high noon.  Doing laps back and forth, as I used to do in the gym.   Today since it was full of boisterous children, the beach was my only choice. 

I put on my 30 spf sunscreen, brought along a sarong, book, and a pair of goggles.    I walked 10 minutes and chose the perfect area.  Not too crowded or rocky.  I sprawled out and created my domain, laid on my belly, and read.  I waited to get hot so I could be ready for the ocean’s coolness.  I was almost ready, but then clouds started to move right into my direct line of the sun.  No!  It looked like the clouds were endless.  I was already here, and knew if I did not get in now, I would not get in.  So I went for it, slowly put my feet in the water.  Cool but do-able.  I saw several other people swimming and stand up paddle boarding, compared to the 100 or so people laying on the beach.  I tried to wonder when the full moon was to ensure no jellyfish would be present.  I jumped in and swam.

Cold! I reminded myself, this will pass, and it did.  The sun returned, and jointly with the ocean said “Welcome back.”    I wore my goggles and could not see much, my eyes were adjusting to the ocean.  I was swimming to a slightly deeper area.  I remembered that a small coral cove existed not too far away.  Although nobody was around, I swam towards it.  Finally I arrived.  The beauty of the coral.   My ocean lap would be along the outside edge of the coral, and back.   It was then I decided, today is the day I live as a tourist.  And this was my baptism into the process. 

In the Catholic tradition, children are baptized when welcomed into the church.  From that baptismal day, they are officially Catholic members.  Supported by their godparents, parents, priest, and congregation. 

I swam into the ocean, no witnesses but the tropical fish, high noon sun, and Pacific ocean.  They would support me throughout this process of “living as a tourist,” in my current hometown, being mindful and present.

Swimming for me has always been therapeutic, almost as journaling.  There have been times in the past, while swimming laps in the gym pool, I would cry.  It was healing for me.  Yet, I was holding myself back due to my internal obligations…spending time with the fiancé and dogs, errands, writing, reading.   As I swam, I realized that swimming could help me with my writing.

As I swam I realized, the water is actually warm, and the sun came back to play.  If we always are waiting for the clouds to pass or someone to do things with, the someday will never come.  Take action now. 

After some time, I noticed more people jumped into the water.  I laid back on my orange sun kissed sarong.  I did not carry a watch with me, therefore had no idea what time it was.  I decided to leave after finishing a book I was reading.  Closure for the day.  When I returned home I realized it was only 1 ½ hours I was gone.  But how cathartic that was.  I initially vowed to do these every Saturday and Sunday.  Realistically at least once a week.  This would be my Sunday service with my congregation.