did mindfulness exercise at work, with walk and sitting. Stayed present, rid thoughts as they came, or tried to. I realize that this exercise is hard for me. Just setting it aside as something I must do today, to check it off the list. It’s hard for me to be mindful throughout the entire day, right now I’m limiting it to these 10-15 minutes. I realize I am this way with my life, I want to check things off the box. I have done this, gone here, had this experience. I always expect the next thing to be better, and I realize it is not. Sometimes the better thing had already passed, and I am yearning for more. Never satisfied with now. I am trying to accomplish all these goals, but while I am in it, I am focused on the next thing, so that I miss the moment. How do I take this concept of mindfulness and expand it to my life and the concept of time? Patience, being in the now. I always want to be somewhere else, the itch to not be present, but be somewhere better. Maybe this is why I move so much, change is fun, so much else to focus on. When the monotony of life hits, it’s mundane, and I do not want to be a mundane person. My biggest fear is to be like everyone else, and miss the big picture. Yet, is the big picture we are unique just like everyone else? Paradoxically, I know I cannot keep moving. Fiscally it’s not realistic. I know I need some stillness, but there’s pain with sitting here and being. How can I maintain this practice of now and be okay with it?
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