chair

last day of my free week yoga pass to yoga works, ending with a bang.  initially i thought i would like the instructor, she played indian music in the  background and compared poses to life.  "throughout the class i want you to challenge yourself to use ujjayi breathing. if you did yoga five times a week with ujjayi breathing, it will change your life and release all that inner bullshit." i loved this, a calm yogini who cursed as she wanted her class to focus on their breath.  i think we could get along.  she would love my blogs.

 then the intensity hit, and my discomfort ensued.  it was not that i disliked her, i disliked the discomfort of the poses.  the sound of "chair" to those who are unknown to yoga sounds comfortable, but in reality i dread it.  the longer you sit in it, the more frequently i try to glance at the clock and wait for class to end.  but chair was just a sample of the ugh felt in class this afternoon.   she closed all the windows, ensuring we would not be distracted by the outside noise.  but in doing so, there was no air circulation on a hot afternoon in a class that was filled with probably 40-50 people, at certain points I almost bumped my face into the ass of the yogini in front of me.  this is not bikram, served at 105 degrees, where body is meant to drench with sweat. but it felt like it.  chair pose, sun salutations, crow pose, free standing headstands, sit-up like poses, warrior 3, bounded angle, all held in prolonged moments.  i lost my appetite after the class due to exhaustion and it was prime dinner time.  some seemed to excel, other took breaks.  i glanced around the room at times, since there were no mirrors around.  when those next to me dropped to child after prolonged intensity balancing on one leg in warrior 3, i allowed myself to drop.  although we are to do this at our pace, i couldn't help but compare.  if someone allows themselves a break, i deserve one too.  and i took it.

at the end of class, when sitting and humming om she said "thank all those here in class today, who made your practice possible.  all are separate, yet all are one."  we were here, by 5:30 the class was almost pitch dark, no lights on, windows  no longer shed sun in.  and we laid in savasana releasing air at our normal rate.  and it all felt like a dream.  the 90 minutes served as some type of meditative state.  the grueling nature of the poses were over, and laying in savasana i could truly let go.

the more i do yoga, despite the fact at times i can despise it, you can't deny it's meditative.  you are so focused on the poses: of the correct posture, your breath, the stretch, the sequence, strength, flexibility.  your mind momentarily does not wander, it can't.  because when you lose your concentration, you lose the pose.  this is my meditation today, and for 90 minutes the inner bullshit stopped.