day 17: i entered a class full of masochists..the 530 am class on a wed morning. i pushed it to early due to starting work late. i was surprised how full the class was before the class even started. why? i knew why i was doing this only 30 days in a row, but these people surpassed this i am sure.
day 18: went to this class late 715 pm. it was a struggle to not just start my xmas break early from everything. but this class was not as horrible as some others. maybe it felt like i took a day off, b/c i spread out these two courses. or the room was a reasonable amount. or i was tearful all day and body needed a release. as i was in the class, and my life was falling apart. i tried to remind myself that yoga's meaning is union with god. how can i devote this class to god, maybe it would make it easier. during the brief savasanas, i thought instead of simply staring at the ceiling, what can my mantra be? i could use my new found mantra during meditations of "god is love, i am a vessel..." so much is crumbling around me, the only answer is to surrender your life to god.
i thought of how most of my life i have held everything in to be there for everyone...family, friends, relationships, patients....but my anger in the meantime has been stored in my back (hence back problems). i was made aware of this , this year through a chiropractor and eft . and now it's pure pain...hawaii has been a difficult experience moving here this time around, nothing but pain and drama. but maybe it is release. surrendering to the next stage in life. and maybe with yoga that next stage can happen here..
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